Written by Blazing Saddle
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Saturday, 9 March 2013

image for Health & Safety Executive Announce Ban On Shaving
Face destroyed by shaving nicks.

"Razors have sharp edges" stated H&S Executive Everard Fortescue today after the release of a shocking shock report on shaving accidents in the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland.

"People are bleeding" says Mr Fortescue - "and we are determined to stamp on this pernicious evil".

There have been 12,751 reported occasions of shaving nicks resulting in actual bleeding since 7 this morning resulting in 9,833 999 calls.

"This is costing the country millions every day that would be much better spent on Civil Service pensions" declares Mr Fortescue, who is 64.

The government will soon pass new laws to outlaw shaving with razors "because they are much too sharp for untrained civilians to use without supervision".

Existing laws on knives, chisels, police use of radios while driving, MP's expenses and the construction and use of chopsticks will be unaffected.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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