Written by dutch
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Friday, 22 February 2013

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The Queen

Cash strapped Buckingham Palace is reduced to only having one bar on of the electric heater in the state rooms, revealed a disgruntled insider. "The Queen is a miser and is too mean to keep the heating on" revealed one of her courtiers. "We are reduced to wearing our thermals and buying vests from Damart," said Lady Batty-Twanky.

The Queen welcomed Australian High Commisioner Paul Rand to her drawing room and was too mean to turn on both bars of her electric heater revealed a lady-in-waiting. Even though the Queen is the wealthiest woman in the world she is still a miser and is too mean to turn on the central heating revealed the insider who refused to be named.

Even though the Queen had antiques and paintings in the Morning Room worth millions of pounds she still only put one bar on of her electric fire instead of having a roaring fire in the ornate marble fire-place.

Australians are outraged at the Queen's economising and said, "The Poms are worse misers than the Scots; we will not be breaking out the Fosters and the barbie if Queen Elizabeth comes Down Under anytime soon."

It is a fascinating insight into the Queen's world of privilege and opulence and her strong miserly streak. The Daily Stupid, said, "The Queen it a tight-fisted old biddie!" Royalists are dismayed at how mean the Queen is even though she is the wealthiest woman in Britain.

In the past it has been revealed how the Queen likes to store her cornflakes in plastic tupperware boxes. "She does not like to have more than one light turned on at a time", revealed a royal lackey, "and the bulbs are only 30 watts so it is impossible to see the dust when we are cleaning". One Royal footman said, "Backstairs Billy was reduced to buying his own pink tights and hawking the Queen's unwanted gifts on Hookey Street to Del-Boy."

A psychologist has been fascinated by the fact that the Queen who is a race-horse owner is too mean to have a flutter at the races, "It is a classic case of 'Stiff Upper Lip'" said the well known shrink, "The Queen had a deprived child hood during the second world war and wasn't allowed to have a banana until she was eight; and she has not been able to be extravagant since." The phenomenon is not as rare as you might think. The Queen like most pensioners is worried about 'making ends meet' and is considering getting a government grant to get solar panels put up on Buckingham House." One Royal Correspondent, said, "Buck House is only a glorified council house and the Queen is in receipt of benefits like any other old dear." Buckingham Palace has refused to comment.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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