Written by John_L
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Monday, 18 February 2013

image for Dave leaves it to Nick to explain
Millionaires only allowed

Days before an important by election cased by the humiliating resignations of the Lib Dem mainstay Chris Huhne the Prime Minister is to force Nick Clegg to explain why the UK joined Greece this week in becoming one of two first world countries where life expectancy is falling.

Both the Tories and the Lib Dems have spent the last few years saying time and time again "We are all living longer" but this is not the case. A man in his mid thirties now will likely die at 67 three years before he can claim his pension. A child born in the last five years will not as has been told to us over and over again reach 100 but be very lucky to reach 80.

"Its down to the plummeting living standards and the break up of the NHS." Dr Martin Schultz told the BBC "The GP led model for the health service that David Cameron is bring in is based on the US model. A model that means in the US you are more likely to die young unless you are very rich. The same thing will happen in the UK the rich will live long but even the middle classes will die sooner than their parents generation."

Eastleigh the seat Mr Huhne vacated has a hospital earmarked for closer and a majority of residence who will be affected by falling life expectancy standards. It is thought that the Prime Minister has asked Clegg to speak on it because he wants to ensure that the Lib Dems get a bloody nose and that he can round on the figures which come from the EU and poach UKIP voters for the Tories. Meanwhile most people of sense will be voting for David Bishop of the Elvis loves Pets Party. Described by one onlooker as "Suspiciously like the Monster Raving Loonies but preferring his own joke.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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