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Thursday, 14 February 2013

image for Supermarket announces new Chimæra food scandal range
range declared 'the dogs bollocks' by our critic

After it was announced this week that luxury supermarket chain Waitrose had joined the latest trend for 'posessed foods', with pork masquerading as beef, Sparks & Mencer have risen to the challenge.

Their new ' Chimæra' (or Chimera) range of processed ready-meals is aimed at the 'taste the difference' market of bored but affluent shoppers. As ever, for the discerning consumer, indulgent menus have been crafted with the finest ingredients to impart added mystique to 'dining in'.

The logo for the new range, embossed in gold leaf on the microwave-safe plastic packaging, depicts a lion, with the head of a goat arising from its back, and a tail that ends in a snake's head. An S&M spokesperson breathily confirmed today "This is not just any beef substitute, this is S&M beef substitute."

For those hoping to squeeze into a slinky little evening dress or bikini early in the season, S&M also have the healthy new 'low-Shergar range'.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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