Written by queen mudder
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Topics: Police

Thursday, 24 August 2006

image for Bomb plot police search Chequers after suitcase find
Bushes at Chequers: police search continues

Chequers, Buckinghamshire - (Associated Mess): Police from the Met's Anti-Terrorist division have extended their search for explosives to bushes planted in the Prime Minister's official country residence Chequers.

The move comes after a tip-off on the television programme Crimebotch and is understood to originate from a well-placed source close to the Blair family's cleaning lady who reported noxious fumes coming out of Cherie's vanity case shortly before the start of the family's Barbados holiday.

Forensic experts were called in to examine the case which appeared to have been tossed out of the bedroom window into a shrub thicket of poison ivy in the herbal remedies section of Mrs Blair's aura-mental kitchen garden.

After an initial probe failed to determine the exact contents of the case, explosives experts were summoned and detected the presence of hydrogen peroxide - a known substance of highly combustible capabilities also used occasionally for bleaching middle-aged women's moustaches and bikini lines on frantic pre-holiday grooming binges.

But it was the presence of timing devices, detonators and assorted lethal aromatherapy unguents that sent shivers down the spines of the Met's bomb-disposal crack team.

The area around Chequers was immediately cordoned off and police reinforcements brought in to conduct a fingertip search of the house and grounds.

After an exhaustive probe, the help of army specialists was enlisted as a huge cache of fissile materiel was discovered in Lord Levy's potting shed in the estate's grounds.

Parcels of an as yet unidentified corrosive agent were also discovered showing that the items had been posted from Pyongyang, North Korea by one Euan Blair who gave a forwarding address in case of non-delivery as being a PO box number for the Washington DC Republican stink tank where he has been an intern this year.

Senior officers from the Met are now anxiously awaiting the Prime Monster's return from Barbados on Friday and hope to quiz him regarding the startling finds at his country residence before No 10 spin doctors get to him.

Meanwhile the man at the heart of this summer's police probe into bribes for honours Lord Levy, 59, was still in hiding this morning following an outbreak of paranoia which has seen him reporting alien Hezbollah stalkers in the wet room of his North London residence.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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