Written by Matt Brown
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Tuesday, 12 February 2013

Panic in the streets of small town continued tonight as the mysterious face jammer claimed yet another victim, this time outside of the bespoke chickens shop on 'dash-it-all street'. Chief inspector Williams has been drafted in from the 'super-duper hard to catch crazy criminals committee' to try and crack the case of this highly elusive fugitive.

The jammer, who has been known to have thrown, rubbed or sometimes sprayed jam in the eyes of his victims has been evading the law for several months now. Some victims has claimed to have been attacked with some jam substitutes including marmalade, which gave the jammer's victim's a more tangy aftertaste as he fled away in his distinctive black cape and ten gallon hat.

The only piece of positive news for the authorities is a possible infected ear which the jammer is set to have picked up whilst swimming. Police are hoping that this infection will drive him crazy and he will eventually hand himself in.A notice has gone out for all pharmacists to dispose of every type of ear-drop they currently prescribe. A reward of five chocolate buttons has been offered for the capture of the man.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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