Written by Jaggedone
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Tuesday, 5 February 2013

image for Richard III was not a car park attendant!
Richard III not doing his day job!

The skull belonging to Richard III found under a car park in Leicester is not his. Historical facts have proven that he never jobbed as a hunchbacked car park attendant, but he has been seen clamping cars around Notre Dame.

The skull actually belonged to a medieval car park attendant who over-charged ox, cattle and horse owners for parking in his field (things never change!). One evening a frustrated ox cart owner, after having his cart clamped, bashed the attendant over the head with a ball and chain, buried him alive and stole his daily takings, £0,20 shillings, in today's money £5000,00 knickers.

Then the Battle of Bosworth took place in the field where Richard III was killed. His body was later secretly buried under Notre Dame, where all good hunchbacks are buried. One can still see his ghost looking remarkably like an Anthony Quinn double, hot-footing around the cathedral at midnight carrying a beautiful, French peasant girl over his shoulder.

The skull found under the car park is all one huge archaeological hoax because the impoverished Leicester council need tourists and feel Richard III could give them a Royal touch. In fact they're hoping to convert the car park into a Royal Disneyland so tourists don't need to trott off to Paris to see them; hunchbacks that is!

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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