Tesco has shut down its Richard III outlet in Leicester after horse DNA was found in the remains of the last Planted King.
The Food Standards Agency, who missed the DNA finding due to cutbacks, advised anyone who had bought Richard III steaks (at a bargain price only if you bought three steaks) to bury them immediately with full military honours.
Planted KIngs died out when the Tudors rose, following the Battle of Boozeworth. It has long been thought that Richard III, who lost the Booze contest because he could never hold down his liquor, had been thrown in a river but amazed historians found a parked car in Leicester has for years carried the body of Richard III all over the place.
Taxi driver, Mohammed Aziz, commented that he had seen Richard III's body being driven by suspicious people down the motorway. He tried to follow the car but it disappeared in a cloud of dust.
The last meal eaten by Richard III was horse which he was given in exchange for his kingdom. This explains the horse DNA in Richard III steaks.