Written by ANGELA WRIGHT
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Sunday, 3 February 2013

image for 'Alzheimer Avoidance' surgery is a scam
Ozzy looking clueless before his controversial surgery

The removal of Ozzy Osborne's entire brain in recent ground-breaking 'Alzheimer Avoidance' surgery has been hailed as a stroke of genius. Neurosurgeons worldwide have called the audacious surgery - designed and implemented by Mr Adam Spoofery of San Francisco - "an exciting development in neuroscience."

Mr Spoofery, an unremarkable and second-rate surgeon up until this astonishing flash of inspiration, has been inundated with enquiries from other well-known celebrities, desperate to eliminate the threat of Alzheimer's in their advancing years.

Spoofery has emerged from the shadows as an exceedingly dodgy character, commenting that "the procedures for this complex surgery are not entirely established at this stage, but I am willing to perform further brain removals if the prospective patient fully understands the implications." He added that a 25% reduction in his fee may be a possibility.

At an emergency meeting of the British Neurological Society earlier this week, however, consultants, neurologists and academics were united in their condemnation of Spoofery's "butchery."

A joint statement was read out to a large press corps outside the building:

"We condemn outright the wholly unethical practices of Mr Adam Spoofery in connection with the recent so-called 'Alzheimer Avoidance' surgery performed on Mr Osborne. There is absolutely no evidence in the literature to indicate that such a procedure could ever yield a positive result. We strongly urge the medical communities of the world to outlaw this charlatan, and support our demand for the immediate removal of Mr Spoofery's brain by way of partial compensation for the trauma suffered by the Osborne family."

Ozzy Osborne was informed of this development. He commented: "Who the f*** is Ozzy Osborne?"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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