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Wednesday, 30 January 2013

image for Rubbishgate: corrupt binmen dragged through the dirt
Have binmen been stealing your rubbish?

Police have uncovered a web of corruption that goes right to the heart of the world of garbage collection in the UK. Detectives say they were shocked at the levels of dishonesty, theft and poor personal hygiene among binmen.

"It stinks," said undercover copper Dick Privet. "I worked with garbagemen for six months, and every day I saw them do the same thing. They'd just drive down the street past people's houses, bold as brass, stealing all their rubbish. Sometimes in bags, sometimes bins - all of it. It's the most efficient robbing operation I've ever seen. Then they'd send it on to a middleman at the landfill. I'm pretty sure what I've seen is just the tip of the iceberg."

Garbage truck driver Isa Bin Laden was shocked at the allegations. "This is no more than trash talk," he said. "I refuse to accept it. Why can't they rubbish someone else? People who leave their bins out are practically asking for them to be taken away. It's not my fault if I help myself to some of it."

However, it has been suggested that Rubbishgate itself may be a way for the police to divert attention away from their own corruption problems. An undercover binman, Dusty O'Deur spent a year in a prison cell investigating the inner workings of the justice system.

O'Deur explained what he had seen. "Prison is the most twisted and depraved hellhole I have ever had the misfortune to experience. The whole place was full of the worst people imaginable. It made me wonder what the prison was for, there were so many convicted criminals there."

He said he was compiling his own Prisongate report, which would expose the endemic level of lawbreakers in Britain's prisons.

Prison officers have suggested that Prisongate may itself be a coverup to distract the media from the level of corruption in the garbage collection sector.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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