London - "It was those special edition commemorative boxed sets of Come Whine 'N' Dine With Me she gave the Queen for Christmas that finally nailed the silly slapper," a Palace flunkey said today as De Brats Almanac of Bourgeois Snobbery published its latest must-have cattle-class guide.
The annual etiquette 'bible' has little time for Carole Middleton since branding her 'common as muck' in its 201l jubilee edition.
And even less for Michael Middleton, the dodgy Peter Tobin doppelganger whose shady connections to David Cameron's family suggest something rather Rasputin-like is going on behind closed doors.
The Bucklebury couple were branded as nouveau riche as the Great Train Robbers when news of Kate Middleton's engagement was first announced.
"That Sibyl Fawlty comparison is mostly her voice," De Brats editor- in-chief Willy Toff-Crumpitt said today, "as well as her fashion sense, social climbing aspirations and DNA.
"Wanna see pics of her extremely dodgy coke-toking brother Gary Goldsmith chatting up Camilla over a couple of Slow Comfortable Screws at the Rat And Parrot in Tooting High Street?"