Written by Joe Leff
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Monday, 21 January 2013

Vast swathes of countryside in Suffolk were splattered with stinking cow-shit yesterday when a giant muck-spreader ran out of control, after the driver collapsed.

The massive muck-spreader, thought to be from Schittlodes Farm, Great Toddington, had set out with over 500 tons of liquid cow manure.

It crashed through hedges and gates, and even zig-zagged through quiet villages. One woman was splattered just as she came out of the hair-dressers. "I'd just had me hair dyed blonde," she cried.

Elsewhere, a couple of hikers sat huddled behind a stone wall to have their lunch-break. "I thought these marmite sandwiches tasted a bit funny," they said.

The giant muck-spreader finally spluttered to a halt when it overturned against the border with Norfolk, where muck-spreading has been banned.

The farm manager denies responsibility, and claims that "people have been spreading filthy rumours. They're just talking shit."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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