Written by Joe Leff
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Friday, 18 January 2013

For the crime of stealing a packet of hamburger buns, a magistrate ordered 7-year-old Willy Famisht to serve 12 months in juvenile detention.

Willy Famisht pleaded he hadn't eaten for two weeks and someone had put a spell on him. The sentence was proof-read twice - to make sure there were no spelling mistakes.

There is an increasing trend for hungry children to be jailed at 10 times the rate of their well-fed counterparts.

Will Famisht had no previous criminal record and very little experience of eating when he appeared before a court in Gateshead. His sentence was later replaced with the comment "It serves you right for not eating properly." He was offered a banana, which he tried to put in his ear.

In another case, Rob Ansteel, 10, also from Gateshead, received a 12-month prison term for possessing 1.8 bars of chocolate with a street value of 75 pence.

"These sentences are justified," said a leading magistrate, "and most of them are fully punctuated."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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