Written by CaptainSausage

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Tuesday, 15 January 2013

image for Pianos close to extinction in Britain
Pianos: dying out?

For many years, pianos have been becoming a rarer sight in Britain. They are usually only now seen in rich people's homes, in museums and in Britain's newly opened piano zoo in Peebles.

The reason for their disappearance is simple - ivory. The demand for piano keys has reached an all-time high as Chinese poachers will go to any lengths to get their hands on the rare material.

The poachers are becoming bolder too. Last month, a recital at the Albert Hall by world famous pianist Ivana Tinkle was interrupted by a gang of gun-toting ivory peddlers. They shot the grand piano in the foot and began ripping out its teeth in full view of the audience. Many onlookers couldn't bear to watch the gruesome spectacle, as the villains made off with all 52 white keys, leaving the piano with only 36 black ones. Ivana Tinkle attempted to continue her performance but could only play a modified version of "Chopsticks".

Pianos have been on the endangered list since 2010. One of the hopes for the new Peebles Piano Zoo is that they may have some success breeding more of them. In 2012, the last remaining breeding pair in London's Piano Park gave birth to a stylophone, which sadly passed away a few months later. It is hoped that there will be more success in Peebles.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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