Written by CaptainSausage

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Topics: Weather, Snow, Ice, Lard

Monday, 14 January 2013

image for Snow rationing imposed in the South of England
All snowmen are to be reported to the Ministry of Cold

Due to a series of warm winters in which snowfall has been below average, rationing of snow and ice will be introduced throughout the south of England this month. Although some snow is expected to fall this week, it is not expected to be enough to replenish Britain's snow supplies, which are currently at a record low level.

A snowman ban has already been introduced, and that will continue throughout the winter. The new rationing will affect a number of industries, particularly manufacturers of ice cream, ice cubes and snow globes.

The public have been warned that if the low snow levels continue, some households may be forced to disconnect the "snow pipe" from their fridges and freezers. If the situation worsens, then snow may need to be imported from Norway, which could cause problems as Norwegian snow uses the metric system and is not compatible with British appliances.

Older people may remember the severe snow shortages in 1953, when lard had to be used as a substitute. People of that generation will remember the joy of lardball fights and building lardmen in the street. Britain has plentiful supplies of lard, and the government have announced that if the situation is serious enough then they could begin dropping lard from the air as early as next week.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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