Written by Tommy Twinkle
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Friday, 11 January 2013

image for Duchess Of Cambridge In Tears After Unveiling Of Official Portrait!
New picture will depict a more ripened banana.

The Duchess of Cambridge broke down in tears this morning when she and Prince William attended the unveiling of her first official portrait at London's National Gallery.

Kate was upset after discovering gorilla artist Paul Emsley had depicted her in the painting as wearing a green blouse and sitting on a fallen tree trunk eating a banana. Prince William has also slammed the painting saying it shows his first wife as being far too hairy.

'My first wife has more hair on her head than I do,' admitted the prince, 'but not as much as a gorilla, though other than that I think it's very lifelike.'

Prince William said Kate had mainly been upset on discovering that the artist had shown her as wearing a green blouse.

'Kate's very superstitious and thinks wearing green brings bad luck,' he said.

William also claimed his wife had been wearing a yellow blouse when sitting for the painting.

The artist, Paul Emsley has offered to change the colour to yellow for Kate. Speaking from the gallery he said, 'I can't say I'm 'appy abaht it but if she wants yella then she can 'aves yella. What 'appened yer sees was that I was runnin' a bit low on me yella paint when knockin' out the portrait but I still 'ad a nice full tube of the green. That was why I done the blouse in green. If she wants I'll change it to a yella nana annal. I can't be more fairer than that now can I!'.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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