Written by queen mudder
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Sunday, 13 January 2013

image for Whiff of 'Drill, Baby, Drill' in House of Lords departure lounge bar
What do you mean they've dumped me for trillions of cubic feet of shale gas?

London - Jolly oligarchs everywhere are betting on a boom in UK shale gas extraction amid an unprecedented mass exodus of members of the House of Lords for 'up yours, Clegg and Cameron' jobs in the 'City'.

Prime Minister David Cameron initially expressed his immense regret as a handful of working Peers resigned their government posts last week, blaming horrid Nick Clegg for their sudden departure.

"But hey, that's Co-Alition politics for you, eh?" the ratarsed PM commented on a weekend TV show.

By Sunday night however 'he was not so sorry' amid reports that the number of missing Lords had now risen to 'around 100' as scores upon scores of ermine-clad grandees 'suddenly remembered' they were probably sitting on vast natural gas reserves under their rural seats.

The exodus comes as the first UK fracking licences are granted following a daft global scare campaign linking the controversial method of gas extraction with earthquakes, tsunamis and other seismic stuff.

Speaking to QM-NewsCorpse stringers this evening Lord Anum of Poppiesfield said he would be concentrating on drilling below the ancestral pile in rural Blightshire 'while the going is good'.

"There's trillions of cubic feet of the stuff under the North Wing of Poppiesfield Castle," an excited Lord A gushed, "probably worth enough dosh to pay off the entire national debt several times over, what?"

A pint of Cameron's Old Peculiar is still a bargain 74p.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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