In a first for medical science the Deputy Prime Minister will today open a captive breeding centre in Ashford. The centre will provide a habitat for lonely Liberal Democrat voters and hope to produce the next generation of Lib Dem voters.
"I'm very excited to be opening the breeding centre." Clegg told BBC Breakfast "We have taken such a hammering in the polls since joining with the Conservatives. Plus we have lost members and have now fewer party members than UKIP, the BNP and the Greens. The aim of the centre is to produce a new generation of Lib Dem voters. Although we won't see the results until at least 2031 although we are going to try and bring the voting age down to 16."
The centre will feature bland colours and will play light inoffensive music all day. The only media allowed will be the comment section of 'The Guardian' while TV's will play episodes of inoffensive bland dramas like 'Gray's Anatomy' and 'Downton Abbey'.
Michael Clark the project manager told Sky News "We were lucky to get a hold of the disused immigration centre. It only took a lick of paint to get it all sorted. So far we have three males and four females. But we hope that we will be able to find some more Lib Dem's in the wild. However they are becoming a very endangered species."
An online form for Lib Dems to sign themselves into the centre has not as yet yielded any volunteers, which contrasts with a form posted by Gunther von Hargans looking for people willing to breed for his research.