Written by Noshing Mink
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Topics: Surgery

Friday, 4 January 2013

image for Surgeons accidentally give transplant patient "evil hand"
"Stop slapping me with your other hand, you moron, muahaha!"

There was embarrassment at a specialist hospital in Bradford today when it was revealed that following a 6 hour operation to give patient Robert Handy a new hand, surgeons had accidentally given him the hand of a criminal.

Mr. Handy lost his left hand in a freak accident involving a lawn mower and had been selected for transplant when hospital staff managed to source a hand with the same number of fingers, which had belonged to former taxi driver John Stumpy, who died in the recent M6 pile-up. A passing motorist stopped and lopped off his hand, knowing there to be a shortage of limbs at hospitals in the Yorkshire area.

However, surgeons were unaware that Mr. Stumpy was a prolific criminal with a penchant for short-changing foreign customers, parking on double yellow lines and giving traffic wardens the finger. He is also believed to have driven in fourth gear in a 20 mile an hour zone, though police admit that the traffic camera images are a little blurry.

To make matters worse, hte fourth finger on Mr. Stumpy's hand comes complete with a ring, which means that Robert Handy is now married to the dead criminal's widow Agnes.

Police have now ordered hospital staff not to leave any sharp objects near the left side of Mr. Handy's bed, to avoid any slasher "accidents".

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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