With the economy in the state that it is in, the rising cost of weddings has become something that many men are deciding against tying the knot.
"It costs several thousand quid," said Harry Balls, a mathematics lecturer from Sheffield University, who has calculated out the cost of tying the knot, even if he could find a partner that would tolerate his body odour problem. "Factor in the cost of buying a family home, a family car and bringing two kids up to the age of twenty-one, and marriage suddenly becomes prohibitively expensive."
Being a mathematician, Balls has worked out how much he would spend on prostitutes when he wants sex, and therapy when he desperately needs a good chat.
"Obviously," he said, "there'd be more spent on prostitutes because I generally want sex more than a good chat. With a wife, you have to have both anyway. Prostitutes don't mind having a brief chat, which saves the therapy money straight off. Anyway, it costs five percent of the cost of being married, so it's a no brainer."
Being a single man living in Sheffield, this means he can live in a single room bedsit.
"I only really need a bed and an X-Box anyway," he admitted. "The X-Box is on top of the microwave next to the WiFi router. I use the microwave as a washing machine for my socks."
Siobhan Balls, Harry's mother, despairs at this attitude.
"I wish he'd settle down and find a nice girl," she said. "Who else but a mathematician decides to fall in love based on an Excel spread sheet?"
Harry may have to clean up his act, as the prostitutes in his local area have taken a restraining order out on him.