Leading Lesbian, Gay, Bi and Transgender leaders have caused outrage amongst the world's 'Roman Catholics' by claiming that Catholics "aren't fully developed as human beings".
In a continuation of a verbal campaign which has seen the LGBT community single out 'Catholic' teaching as uniquely dangerous, including claims that 'Catholics' "threaten human dignity and the future of humanity itself," a spokesperson added, "Catholics deny their nature and decide that it is not something previously given to them, but that they make it for themselves. Using the pernicious teachings of the Catholic church."
The immensely wealthy but secretive 'Catholic community' is led by an elderly figure known as 'The Pope'. Known for wearing gender ambiguous clothing, jewellery, and for once being a member of the Hitler Youth, the 'Pope' and his followers eschew heterosexual relations, and won't admit women to their reclusive order.
Most recently, one of the Pope's key lieutenants, the 'Bishop of Shrewsbury' likened attempts by the British government to offer LGBT people the same marriage rights as heterosexual or cisgender people, with the policies of the Nazis. The 'Bishop', explained aides, "could have been off school with a note the day that they did The Holocaust" (a period in which tens of thousands of LGBT people were tortured to death or summarily executed). Later the Bishop's superior in the local cell or 'Diocese', the 'Archbishop of Birmingham', claimed that LGBT couples attempting to bring up children could damage those children. Observers have found these comments curious given the worldwide scandal around the Catholic Church's historical involvement in child abuse. Victims of that abuse still claim to have received scant apology, and suspicions continue to circulate about the role of senior Catholic leaders in covering it up.
Significantly, these latest remarks from senior 'Catholics' come at an important point in the year for the community - 'Christmas'. Christmas is understood to be a celebration of the birth of a legendary figure whose principle teachings focused on the intrinsic value of all human beings and the preeminence of love, tolerance and understanding.
When we contacted the Pope's office, at his $15 billion hideout, 'The Vatican', we were told that no-one was available for comment. Later however, there were unconfirmed sightings of an elderly man in a dress on a balcony speaking in a language no-one understands.