Written by Crunk
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Sunday, 30 December 2012

Number Ten and the Palace are said to be 'stunned' by the news that the wrong New Years Honours list has been published.

According to the Palace, there was a minor lapse in security on Boxing day, when Philip and Camilla got a bit drunk and 'hacked' the list before the Queen got to it. "Satire, I'll show them bloody satire", the Royal Consort is reported to have quipped, before giving a two-fingered drunken salute and sliding off the pouffe in front of HRH's PC.

The Queen's equerry, Lt Cdr Andrew Canal was visibly distressed. "It was meant to be a private joke. I mean, really, Cherie Blair, for 'women's issues'? Camillla was in fits writing that one. As for giving the bloke who steered the Banks down the drain a Knighthood!" <appalled> "That one was down to an offhand remark by the Queen over the turkey and stuffing that Philip decided to act upon".

Palace officials are said to be re-vamping security after someone gave Lord Coe another gong on the spoof honours list for 'services to Lord Coe', and Tracy Emin got one for relentless and exemplary self-promotion.

The Palace has denied the accusation that Metropolitan Police commissioner, Bernard Hogan-Howe, got a comedy knighthood for 'Plebgate', or that Wills challenged the Queen to say "Arise Sir Bernard of Plebsville" when it gets presented.

The only error reported to have been spotted in time and redacted was the 'The Most Ancient and Most Noble Order of the Thistle', to be awarded to Tony Blair (or 'shoved up the only part of him that isn't orange') for services to international peace and security.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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