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Thursday, 3 August 2006

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Hairy and scary....the new Thatcher portrait

London - (Associated Mess): A new official new portrait of Baroness Thatcher has been praised for depicting the widely-recognised inhuman side of her personality, deftly captured on a rusty sheet of toxic iron recycled from a former Luftwaffe bomber that destroyed the west wing of Buckingham Palace in a raid in September 1940.

Constructed from scraps of chiffon ribbons threaded on to an iron base, the rag-work is said to symbolise the last shreds of her domestic policy which resulted in her unceremonious booting out of No 10 Downing Street in the autumn on 1990.

Art critics have hailed the portrait as 'striking' after noting that her left cheek is portrayed displaying a huge shiner - just as if someone had finally clocked the old obergruppenfuhrer's daughter one in the kisser.

The picture resembles a dot-to-dot puzzle reminiscent of that other Nazi enigma - the code-breaking World War II Enigma machine which British spooks used to break the Third Reich's encrypted messaging systems.

The commissining artist was said to be 'thrilled' today at the reaction he had recieved for his latest work: "It's been an tremendous opportunity for me to create a work based on such a disgusting inhuman piece of slime that blithely supported the Ronnie Raygun and Bush1 administrations through thick and thin", he chortled as the portrait was unveiled in the exhibitionists' room at London's Hellfire Club.

"But flattery aside, I think I have managed to capture the warm and funny side of her as well", he added.

"The resemblance to both her father Adolf and to her daughter by Robert Maxwell - Cherry Bush QC - is astonishing."

The picture may be auctioned later in the year in a charity gala by the Euro-Septic division of the Tory Party which is anxious to raise cash to pay off even more Downing Street officials who nominated the Poodle Administration's choice of House of Lords contenders currently being investigated by the Metropolitan Police Vice Squad, the Serious and Organised Crime Agency and the Met's Special Branch.

But with party coffers at an all-time rock-bottom, there will have to be plenty more novel works of art commissioned for sale by the Tories if they are to stand a cat's chance in hell of continuing the amuse-bouche farce of the cash-for-honours fiasco.

The portrait will hang at the Hellfire Club until later this year where it has already attracted a swarm of visitors curious to test whether it has any of the reputed healing qualities associated with so many of the other pictorial depictions of the old hag.

In particular, US visitors from the Ancient American order of the Skull 'N' Bones are said to be organising special pilgrimage tours to visit the portrait after Warren Jeffs - spiritual founder and leading prophet of the First Fundamentalist Church of Latter Day Assholes - sent an official enquiry to the Hellfire Club about renting the picture for his new Texan mausoleum in Eldorado, which is currently lacking any iconic decoration motifs in its central atrium.

Baroness Thatcher is 80.

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