Written by CaptainSausage
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Wednesday, 19 December 2012

image for Fracking Hell! Oil Be Buggered!
I pity the fuel...

A new cheap and relatively simple form of energy is about to take the UK by storm. Called "fracking", it has been described as the equivalent of "pissing the poo stains off the fossil fuel urinal of Earth".

Fracking involves inserting a hose into a designated fracking area, shooting large amounts of liquid through it at high pressure, and then sucking up the remains, in the hope that it will include some gases which can be used as fuel. Sites for possible fracking are numerous around Britain, and include fuel tanks, elephant recta, disused oil wells, and baked bean canning plants.

However, controversy is preventing many fracking companies from fully exploiting the promising new technology. Many boring environmentalists have attacked the environmental boring plans for its potential to destroy the ground and for the amount of gas which would be produced. Ground which is not used to being drilled hard can become stretched, chafed and can even lose its structural integrity completely, leading to oozage.

The pro-boring lobby have put forward their own arguments, explaining how ramming a spurting hose down a gaseous pit can not only be profitable, but also pleasurable.

Whatever happens, it is increasingly likely that nozzles are going to be shoved down all our available fracking orifices in the near future, and whatever gas we have down there will be forced out. Fracking may even become the country's main source of energy, breaking wind's future.

Fracking spokesman Windy Gay explained, "They don't like it up 'em."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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