Written by IainB
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Tuesday, 11 December 2012

image for Three quarters of Britons are happy
Are you happy?

In a recent survey, it was discovered that seventy-five percent of Britons are happy. However, a second survey conducted by a different survey company discovered that they could find nobody who'd been asked by the previous survey whether they were happy or not.

"We've asked fifteen thousand people," said Gail Lopp, "and could find not one person who was asked about the original happiness survey."

Open Surveys, who ran the original survey have admitted that there was some extrapolation to get to seventy-five percent.

"What we do," said Julian Date, "is ask a certain number of people and extrapolate that up to the rest of the country. It's a similar technique that we use when indicating how popular a particular beauty product is for advertisers."

The four strong team where paid one hundred and fifty thousand pounds by the government to calculate Britain's happiness index. The survey they created was straightforward, and asked just one question: are you happy?

Investigations have revealed that the team, led by Date, gave three of the members of the team fifty thousand pounds each, then filled in the survey.

"What we discovered," said Date, "is that three of us were suddenly very happy, and one of us wasn't."

This was marked down as seventy-five percent, or three quarters in pre-decimal survey marking metrics.

"We took this figure and applied it to the whole country," said Date. "It seems fairly accurate."

To refute the claim that they did it wrong, Open Survey tried to find somebody who'd been asked by Gail Lopp Polls if they'd been asked about the Happiness Index, and were only able to find one person out of ten thousand who'd been asked.

"Not a very detailed survey, either, is it?" asked Date.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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