Written by Crunk
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Sunday, 9 December 2012

image for Norfolk disc first evidence of fall of the Roman NHS
a gold disc a bit like the one found

A gold earring disc, found in Norfolk by a metal detector enthusiast, was reported to have left treasure experts initially baffled as to the exact meaning of its decoration. Discovered in Keswick, near Norwich, the disc "is an unusual find for the Roman period", said a Norwich Castle Museum spokesman.

It features a scorpion, phallus, snake and crab, but the meaning of the combination was thought to be "lost" according to experts, until the discovery earlier today of a nearby tomb.

The tomb was initially overlooked, as it was fashioned in the shape of a huge pile of bullshit, but had a pathway to ruins of what appears to be an early medical centre. The walls of the centre bear an inscription that reads 'Romani Healthae Servitium' with subtext about a 'clap clinic'. The tomb is understood to have belonged to the senior member of the 'servitium', one Jeremius C Hunt (the C is understood to have signified 'Ceasar-in-Waiting'). His rather unattractive likeness, carved onto a sarcophagus, shows Jeremius was indeed the ring-bearer.

Artefacts and fragments of papryrus recoverd from the building suggest the disc shows treatments 'homeopatheticus' for unfortunate conditions of the genitals. The deciphered texts contain statements that scorpions and snakes, when very lightly applied to the affected areas, are entirely safe.

The tomb of Jeremius is understood to have a frieze depicting his untimely demise, after his dick fell off when he was forced to take his own medicine.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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