Written by ExiledRoyal
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Topics: Police, Jimmy Savile

Sunday, 9 December 2012

image for Jimmy Savile probe: Police investigate claims against anybody with 'Celebrity' in their portfolio
Wanna wear a Big Helmet? Call in at your local Cop Shop

Detectives working on Operation Yewtree have received several tip-offs relating to the stars and are set to arrest six more 'names'.

The sheer volume of allegations, some as old as 130 years, are currently flooding into Police Stations up and down the country. Chief Inspector Damon Blast has spoken to this reporter of the impact in the Force.

"Essentially there have been so many people coming forward to complain about even the most basic of fumblings that there are, in fact, no Police on the beat throughout the entire country. Many Police Stations are now being manned by volunteers. Camden Town has members of the local W.I. on the front desk, dispensing advice and cups of tea."

Processing of 'Home Counties celebrities' are due to start on Monday at the 02 Arena, with Old Trafford and Celtic Park also being commandeered for local nonces.

You can volunteer to man your local Police Station by Tweeting #helpIhaveBurglersinmyLivingRoom

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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