Written by Joe Leff

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Topics: Dogs, God, Piss

Wednesday, 5 December 2012

God was seen cocking His leg up alongside another lamp-post in a Gateshead housing estate.

This is the sixth time this week that witnesses have seen God urinating against lamp-posts.

Voices upon high tell us that God has nothing against lamp-posts as such (except his leg, of course). But rumour has it that He's fed up of dogs taking over His territory and claiming it as their own.

Local residents have no idea whose God it is. "Our God would never express Himself in this way," said the Archbishop of Newcastle. "When He needs to piss He passes it around at baptisms and everybody gets blessed."

Albert Smith, who lives on the Gateshead estate, reckoned it was hardly God's fault. "They're always saying that 'God's holy', so maybe He can't help it if He leaks a lot.

Some people think that the way He spells His name has something to do with it. "It must be easy for God to turn Himself into a dog," said the Reverend John Wordsmith, still wearing his dog-collar. "He just has to swap the d and g, and get down on all fours. He's always had a wet nose anyway."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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