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Wednesday, 5 December 2012

image for Sir Cliff Richard Extremely Anxious After Misreading Headlines
Sir Cliff Richard's Pool Boy, Oswald

The Dorian Grey of pop, Sir Cliff Richard, was being comforted by friends today after he mistakenly misread news headlines emanating from the United States. The bronzed singer was said to have been shaken.

The drama unfolded at around noon local time in BARBADOS, where Sir Cliff resides with former Shadow's guitarist and the eternally hungry, Hank Marvin.

According to an unnamed witness, rumored to be Tommy Steele, Sir Cliff was perusing the internet when he believed he saw a headline announcing "Fisting Cliff Likely To Ruin Christmas". Shocked by this, and the connotations of such an action, Sir Cliff then read a further headline he believed read "Obama's Main Concern is Fisting Cliff".

Worried that a team of US Navy SEALS were about to convene on his Caribbean home and force him onto a chopper where he would be flown to Washington where he would then be sexually assaulted violently by the President of the United States Sir Cliff promptly fainted.

After it was explained that the headline he had a read referred to the so called fiscal cliff facing the United States and had no double meaning involving the insertion of a hand into a human orifice Sir Cliff laughed off the incident.

"It just brought back bad memories I guess" beamed a relieved Sir Cliff, referring of course to his famous kidnapping in 1974 by Ugandan Dictator Idi Amin who held the evergreen 'bachelor boy' star against his will for 4 nights, forcing the Peter Pan of crooning to continually sing "The Young Ones" for hours on end, with a carrot stuffed up his arse.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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