Written by Tommy Twinkle
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Sunday, 2 December 2012

image for White Cliffs of Dover To Be Repainted!
Matt white was used in 1951.

For the first time in over fifty years England's famous White Cliffs of Dover are to be repainted. Matt white was used when the cliffs were last given a fresh lick of paint, as part of the 1951 Festival of Britain celebrations, but this time, just for a change, painters will be applying white gloss to give them a nice shiny finish.

The massive task, announced by the Prime Minister this morning, could take well over a year to complete, though weather permitting it is hoped the whole job will be completed by no later than autumn 2013.

'It depends on the weather,' said the Prime Minister. 'We've hired a reliable team of hard working Polish painters to carry out the work, so hopefully they'll have the job done and dusted by then, although they won't be able to start applying the first coat until February next year. Before then a team of Lithuanian chaps we've hired will in a few days time get the ball rolling by making their way along the nine mile stretch of cliffs, looking for any loose rocks needing to be pulled away, to scrape away any of the old flaking paint, and of course to find any unsightly cracks in the cliffs to fill in with the cement from their caulking guns.

'And Aleksy, he's the head chap on the the Polish team of painters we've hired, Aleksy says they won't be able to climb up the cliffs with their rollers to be doing any painting when there's rain in the air because any rain mixing with wet paint would just wash it all down the cliffs and into the sea below. Fingers crossed we won't have another repeat of this year's wet summer in 2013.'

Grinning like a Cheshire cat the Prime Minister added, 'This isn't going to cost much, that's why I gave the nod for those cliffs to be repaired and repainted. Those Pole and Lithuanian chaps are cheap as well as hard working. They've priced up the whole job for three grand and that includes having them supply all of the cement and paint!'

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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