Written by Simon Saunders
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Thursday, 29 November 2012

image for 'The Spoof' Facing Backlash After Damning Leveson Report
Lord Leveson after reading the contents of 'The Spoof'

Earlier today Lord Leveson revealed the conclusion of his public inquiry into the culture, practices and ethics of the British press.

His report is particulary scathing when it comes to satirical website 'Thespoof.co.uk'.

Describing the website as a "tissue of lies and innuendo", Lord Leveson accused it's editor and reporters of using criminal practices to obtain stories.

His Lordship said the stories appearing on the website were either completely fabricated or reporters had gathered information by illegal means, such as hacking peoples phones, rummaging through bins and leaning in windows when no-one was looking. He found only seven articles on the site with wholly accurate information.

According to Leveson most of the stories could not possibly have been obtained without these techniques and in his opinion the website is beyond regulation. He has recommended it be shut down immediately.

One reporter for the website gave us his reaction to the report. "As far as I'm concerned the unethical modus operandi Leveson described is outrageous. I know many of my colleagues have the morals of a particularly slutty Essex girl but I never use these disgusting methods to get my stories. I prefer good old fashioned traditional journalistic integrity. That might explain why no-one reads any of my articles, and even when people do bother to read my work they often give it a one thumb rating. Sometimes I wonder why I bother. I suppose it pays to be a lowdown tabloid hack with no morals."

Another Spoof reporter had a different take on the inquiry. "What a load of bollocks. Only a mug would spend their time gathering legitimate material. It's much quicker to hack the silly bastards phones for a juicy story then fill in the details with the most scandalous lies you can think of. I spend so much time hacking phones I've had to gaffer tape my handset to the side of my head so I don't get pins and needles in my arm. It's a piece of piss to do. Some of these morons still have 1234 as their voicemail security code. My little black book is crammed full of celebs phone numbers."

After pausing to spread rumours about Lord Leveson on Twitter, he continued. "This report is a proper bleeding stitch up. The public want to know about celebrities indiscretions and politicians reckless behaviour. I for one can't be bothered to do it the ethical way. Besides, most of the time the only way you can find out about this stuff is to be as unscrupulous as these public figures. If it's in the public interest, or in other words if I think it's in the public interest, I think I should be allowed to be a crook and if I can't get the necessary dirt then I'll just make it up. Why not?"

He stopped briefly to spark up a cigarette and have a swig from his litre bottle of whisky before attempting to justify his slippery behaviour. "Look right, I've got to make a bloody living. I drink too much and smoke eighty fags a day. Do you think they pay for themselves? Now sod off."

We did attempt to speak with 'The Spoof' editor-in-chief Mark Lowton, but his secretary informed us he had fallen into an industrial sized rubbish bin in his search for new salacious stories and couldn't get out.

So, if you're reading this article you may want to ask yourself, is it a complete fabrication produced by the mind of an over-imaginative thirty something reporter, or, has it been created using perfidious methods. After all, it's highly unlikely to be truthful or accurate.

Make Simon Saunders's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

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