Written by queen mudder
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Thursday, 29 November 2012

image for 'Fingers crossed the new Bank governor isn't George Osborne's Andy Coulson' the Leveson Report says
Canadian jailbird Lord Black rumored to be Mark Carney's birth pa

London - 'You can blame piss-poor vetting of talked-up NewsCorpse hacks for the government's embarrassment' the Leveson Report into press chicanery will reveal tomorrow.

A sneak preview of Lord Leveson's probe shows the judge scratching his head about all the mateyness between ex-Bullingdon Club tosspots and their lowlife Wapping counterparts:

'Take that Andy Coulson geezer,' to paraphrase M'Noble Lord, 'he's done more to make David Cameron look a total mug than the entire Labour Party PR budget of 2008-2012.'

And the entire blasted mess could have been avoided if 'everyone standing for Parliament and/or applying for highly paid No 10 jobs took a mandatory Special Branch polygraph test'

Special criticism is reserved for Rebekah Brooks who Lord Leveson says 'took the PM for a ride' on an ex-Met Police charger named after Soviet mobster Mikhail Gorbachev's wife Raisa.

'Just who else might have been in the saddle with the PM and his flame-tressed NewsCorpse muse is a matter for the, er, law,' the report concludes in a biting reference to Ms Brooks' criminal indictment at the Old Bailey on various mobile phone hacking charges.

Including conspiracy to bribe and other assorted stuff...

"Never mind if Mark Carney's turns out to be ex-jailbird Conrad Black's firstborn spawn," a mightily relieved Tory Party grandee said tonight after reading the QM-NewsCorpse Leveson Report preview.

"It's Coulson and Brooks who will sink the PM."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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