London - US networks have just picked up a fast-breaking British story about a fierce counter-intelligence op underway in London after risqué pics of a naked Prince William and a six foot eight squaddie 'doing what comes naturally' were leaked to the media.
Reports that a French magazine which published Kate Middleton's saggy tits last September 'was ready to pay $1 million' for the salacious snaps saw an emergency meeting convened of the government security think tank COBRA - ['a kind of FEMA minus the balls, heheh' according to ex-Bush Secretary of state Condi Rice].
Apparently the session was interrupted when a horribly ratarsed Prince Philip phoned Downing Street to demand immediate evasive PR maneuvres 'and a damn good story spoiler'.
"Blasted idiot's got himself impaled on some nasty rough trade, kill the story or face my blunderbuss!" the old soak roared as MoD bosses sprang into action.
Within an hour crowds had gathered at London's Trafalgar Square where a statue of Admiral Lord Nelson presides over magnificent fountains, superb bronzes of national heroes and four rather fetching black lions.
Amid much clapping and cheering a young man was then seen mounting the statue of Prince George, First Duke of Cambridge, astride his charger Hercules before stripping naked and, er, sitting on the royal's face.
As the thermometer dropped to a chilly eight degrees centigrade onlookers claimed the stuntman's balls turned blue before two fire engines, eight squad cars and four mounted police officers arrived
and pulled the guy away from the extremely well televised caper.
"WTF?" is all a spokesman at the Palace could manage tonight