Written by ExiledRoyal
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Thursday, 22 November 2012

image for Disappearing islands leave boffins scratching their heads
Ben Nevis today

Yesterday we reported on the mysterious case of Sandy Island, supposed to lie in the South Pacific between the eastern Australian coast and French-governed New Caledonia yet last week proven not to exist.

Despite appearing on Google Earth and other maps, scientists took a 25 day round trip to discover that the nearest land was 12000 feet... straight down!

"We're really puzzled. It's quite bizarre," one helpful boffin proffered as an explanation.

Concerned for our coastline, Coastguards up and down the UK have been put on high alert. Prince William, piloting a Sea King over Anglesea was one of the first to report "discrepancies in the topography of the landscape" - a phrase often used by the Ministry of Defence to describe massive changes in an environment, for example when the Fleet Air Arm have bombed a native village to shit buggery.

In this case what HRH meant was that, in fact, Anglesea had disappeared from underneath his rapidly rotating rotors. Anglesea has simply ceased to exist.

Prince William was forced to fly to nearby Liverpool where he spent a couple of hours shopping in Liverpool One only to return to the carpark where someone had left the Sea King up on bricks.

Latest reports are coming in live from a Pedalo situated somewhere between Portsmouth and The Isle of Wight. Spoof reporter Stefan Kuntz left land about four hours ago and has something to tell us...

"Yes, yes, I got to where the Isle of Wight should have been... the weather's closed in and the rain's atrocious, the wind's whipping the waves into mountains, but the Isle of Wight is nowhere to be seen. I'm now going to turn around and pedal my way back towar... Oh My God! Oh My God! I just turned round to go back and England's just disappeared up its own asshole!!"

Professor Mike McGiblets, expert in things that disappear, is quite upbeat. "Hopefully whatever it is, it'll treat the United States of America as an island and... poof! Too much to ask for Australia as well!" he laughed.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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