Written by Herrdoktorfox
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Topics: Parliament

Tuesday, 20 November 2012

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Habitual re-offender Dick Bender 'enjoying' one last shower before his umpteenth release!

As if competing in some hideous competition for the ultimate accolade of, "Imbeciles Of The Century" the Government, or what passes for one, have announced yet another barnstorming money wasting idea.

Seemingly,Do-nothing-Dave and his follically challenged Justice Secretary, Chris 'sweet pea' Grayling want each and every prisoner to be met by a mentor at the Prison gate as he, she or it are released. Each mentor, be they an ex-lag, a member of a voluntary group, or a private company such as G4 (god help em') will be responsible in 'assisting' said ex-cons in obtaining a potential job, a home and understanding of the existing benefit entitlements available. In return for this 'help' the mentors will be finacially rewarded, at taxpayers expense of course, should said lag follow the straight an narrow!

Naturally, with any new 'dead-in-the-water' scheme devised by the existing bunch at Number 10, this latest farce has been named by Do-nothing-Dave as a "Rehabilitation Revolution". And already, many entrepreneurs are visualising a chain of high street outlets utilising the hundreds of boarded up shops currently blighting towns and Cities nationwide.

Such a venture is tentatively thought to be called, "Lags-R-Us" wherein the poor souls can wander in with their respective mentor for a 'tax free' Starbucks Coffee while receiving help from ex-DHSS/Council Housing Needs staff (many ex-lags themselves) in filling out benefit/social housing forms.

With the prospect of 'financial rewards' for assisting these poor souls to integrate into 'normal' society again major Holiday chains such as, Thomson, Thomas Cook and First Choice are offering hugely discounted stress-busting holidays to lags. This will of course allow them to re-charge their batteries in readiness to face the stressful times ahead, or until such time as their next lucrative crime rears it's head!

SKY TV News cougar Kay Burley loves re-offending, especially after a few bevvies on a Friday night!

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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