Written by Crunk
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Saturday, 17 November 2012

image for UK Defence Chiefs caught in the cross-fire as top US General forced to pull out
a large weapon, on display somewhere

In the light of recent revelations concerning General Patraeus, senior members of UK Armed Forces have admitted that they have also been caught with their pants down, frequently having to make a 'hasty tactical withdrawal'.

Part of the problem is their privates have often been sent into action without proper protection (adequate equipment, or indeed, top-cover). Blame has been laid squarely at the door of D&ES (based at MoD Abbeywood) for their ineffective procurement strategy, including "not popping to the bloody chemist in time, then just expecting us to wing it every time MoD wants a 'surge' - frankly it is a nightmare".

It has all been a massive anti-climax", stated a battle-hardened member of the Royal Marines who wished to remain anonymous. "I joined to see a bit of action, shoot my weapon, and go back to the NAAFI with the lads for beer and commendations." He complained that, once exposed to hostile enemy action, they are expected to 'win hearts and minds'. "What are we supposed to do? Marry them? What happened to having an exit strategy?"

Our boys are stuck with the consequences, often committed to long drawn-out clean up campaigns, when they had originally hoped for a 'quick in-and-out' operation. The SAS are in the enviable position that they can declare they were never officially there, however MoD are now facing a legal challenge that their actions may constitute statutory rape.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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