Written by Joe Leff
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Thursday, 15 November 2012

Job losses at Manchester City FC will see Manchester lose its title as the world's biggest marketing centre, by the number of employees registered.

City will lose its dominance because of a shift to the East Stand, combined with over-enthusiasm, exasperation and 'referee-bashing'.

Manchester's marketing services sector employed 280,000 people last year, but is expected to drop to 230,000 by 2015. However, by that time business will be booming in the Far East. About 250,000 people will be working in Hong Kong, where more and more light blue football shirts and socks are being made.

Manchester City currently holds the largest share of the world's foreign exchange players at 92 per cent, compared with 20 per cent for Hull City and 0.03 per cent for Driffield Town.

In a separate report today, the club forecasts that City bonuses for Christmas and New Year will be slashed to a total pot of £1.6 billion, compared with £11.2 billion three years ago.

Chief Executive Iona Klub said: "The biggest losers from this are the seasonal taxi-drivers, who typically earn more from City bonuses than the marketing employees."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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