Having just announced a sales fall ahead of Christmas the UK's fouth largest overpriced Supermarket, Morrisons, have wheeled out the big guns in order to meet the Christmas challenge ahead.
In keeping with British Business in general and it's total lack of business acumen whatsoever, Morrisons have promised customers they could buy their Christmas lunch groceries for a staggering £2.49 per head as part of it's "Dreaming Of A Tight Christmas" campaign. The latter being the very last words any self-respecting, hard pressed housewife wants to hear when struggling to feed her family on a limited income!
A spokesman for Morrison, Silas Scratchite, announced other barnstorming ideas that will shortly be launched in order to truly embrace the spirit of UK Christmas 2012.
These include, the hiring of young children from local foster homes and dressing them up in 'Oliver' style clothing, complete with soot covered make-up and ragged clothes. Every Morrisons Store will cease displaying the traditional Christmas tree this year and in it's place erect large, mock fireplaces complete with fake glowing embers.
Instead of a Jolly Santa-now considered 'unclean' in the light of one, James Savile Esq-the hiring of portly gentlemen to enact the role of workhouse Beadles will be the new and more progressive theme. Each hour of every trading day one of the youngsters will be systematically 'whipped' by the beadle and sent 'up' the chimney for daring to request an extra Morrison economy biscuit in lieu of lunch.
It is hoped that this exciting and somewhat revolutionary Christmas theme will draw the customers in by their thousands, thus making lots and lots of lovely profit for Morrisons.
SKY TV News cougar Kay Burley has exceedingly good Christmas puddings.