The Daily Express has published a world exclusive mentioning that scientists have developed a wonder drug that will cure any disease.
The implications of this discovery are being assessed by a special committee set up by David Cameron, led by a former Judge who thought he had only days to live.
However, Express reporters are now facing up to a new sensation. There is to be a shift in temperatures in Britain that will probably freeze everone to death, meaning the wonder drug will be no use here.
Nonetheless, a spokesman for the paper welcomed these two developments: 'We will definitely get more readers with these two stories' he declared 'I only wish we could have the oceans rising up and the Thames flooding. We would get headlines for days to satisfy all our readers.'
And yet another astonishing story is about to be revealed Express style - Princess Diana is NOT DEAD!!!
She walked into the Express newsroom to bring them up to date with another sensational story. She has been living in Fiji but is having to leave as the island is sinking into the sea.
'Another bit of luck for us' claimed an Express source who is close to the story.