Labour leader 'Crazy Eddie' Miliband has taken another happy pill and vowed to deliver a 'living wage' to millions if he wins the next election in 2015.
Always assuming that there will be anyone still working by May 7th 2015 Crazy Ed predicts the basic hourly rate in London will be raised to a heady £8.55 for Londoners and a breathtaking £7.45 for the 'poor folks' in the sticks!
Needless to say, lateral thinking has not really been applied in this instance as Crazy Ed was actually taking a dump at the time of his latest brainstorm and was sidetracked looking for the toilet paper.
Based solely upon current never ending price increases, by the year 2015 his projected hourly rates will be worth less than existing minimum wage rates!
But at least it proves unequivocally that if indeed crazy Ed ever makes it to number 10 he is well equipped to lead the country, backwards, in the fine traditions of the Conservative Party!
Meanwhile, in anticipation of losing his seat Tory Ian 'Clunkhead' Smith has just 'signed on' at his local Jobcentre and cannot wait to collect his benefit entitlements!