Written by Ernest Hendrix
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Monday, 5 November 2012

image for Fart Emissions Offsetting Scheme Launched
You can fart but it'll cost you!

A radical fart emissions offsetting scheme was launched yesterday in central London by Deputy Prime Minister Nick Clegg and Education Minister Michael Gove.

The prevention of fart fouling trading scheme or PFFTS was introduced to reduce fart emissions by 40% by 2050 to avoid catastrophic climate change.

Fart offsets are credits for reductions in farts made at another location and are sold in units of cubic meters of fart gas equivalent. Under legislation introduced this year people are permitted to emit just 0.3Litres of fart per day however an adult human will typically emit 0.5Litres per day.

Nick Clegg explained, 'Growth in the world's population and growth in consumption is expected to lead to a 40% rise in fart emissions by 2050. This will make the world a stinkier place let there be no doubt about that!'

He continued, 'Under this scheme the UK population will each be given 0.1095 cubic meters of fart gas equivalent per annum. They will then be free to buy or sell units depending on their need to fart thus creating a fart neutral economy.'

Michael Gove added, ' Naturally in this golden jubilee year what greater gift can the country give to our reigning monarch Queen Elizabeth II. She will now be able to purchase 0.1825 cubic meters of fart gas equivalent and officially announce that she does not pass wind. Not that the Queen farts anyway. Let us rejoice, rejoice!'

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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