Seemingly, 'dithering Dave', 'Do-nothing-Dave' or part time Prime Dickhead as he is known in the trade, one Dave Cameron, is no slouch when it comes to 'blanket diddling'.
It appears that a number of his texts to News International boss Rebekah Brooks have been made public and what a naughty boy he has been by all accounts!
In one particular steamy text Dave apparently thanks Mrs Brooks for letting him ride one of her 'horses', stating it was "fast, unpredictable and hard to control but fun!"
In reply Mrs Brooks states,"I cried twice" say no more, say no more, is Dave keeping a 'big' secret in his kecks we wonder?
Meanwhile, Samcam, his sexually repressed other half is said to be
feckin' fuming as more and more steamy texts are published about her otherwise docile husband and his rampant sexual appetite with Mrs Brooks.
According to an unnamed source at number 11 Downing Street Sam has been pouring her heart out to Nick Clegg who is always handy in times of a real crisis, such as changing light bulbs and toilet rolls.
It appears that Dave has not had his end away with Sam for quite awhile due in no small part to a touch of ED, or so he has lead her to believe. "The tosser told me his spring had sprung!" wailed Sam "and all this time he has been pumping that ginger slapper bareback!"
At time of writing, Nick and Sam are planning a filthy weekend in Blackpool where Sam intends to have her revenge on Dave' by shagging Nick senseless, thus rendering him even more useless than he already is!
More as we get it, unless both Nick and Dave beat us to it!
SKY TV News cougar Kay Burley has recommended a very discrete Hotel in Blackpool which features soundproof walls!