Written by Joe Leff
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Topics: Pubs, bottle, Stockport

Sunday, 4 November 2012

A long-established industrial unit in Stockport is all set to start bottling whines, moans and other grumpy stuff.

The company's design department has come up with specially shaped glass containers for variegated examples of whines and moans.

With its new name 'Moans-R-Us', the company will be starting production next week. They have previously bottled Scotch mist and baited breath.

Local customers are already looking forward to the new range of bottled whines.
"There's nothing like a good whine to cheer you up when you're feeling down," said Mona Lisa Weinhart, who spends her days plucking ducks at a nearby farm produce shop.

Customers who've had a bad day at work will be able to have two whines for the price of one when local hostelries start their 'Unhappy Hour' offers before 7pm. One pub is already offering 'Whine and Dine for a Tenner'.

"The beauty of Stockport," said one miserable landlord, "is that it's full of moaning buggers. We will soon be the biggest whine-producing region in Europe."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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