Written by Backandtotheleft
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Topics: Health, Death

Saturday, 3 November 2012

The controversial "Pathway To Death" scheme has been reviewed by a board of NHS directors and they have come to the conclusion that doctors will now have to get permission from people before putting them on it. Which is a shame for doctors as it will really mess up their "God Complex"

The "Pathway To Death" (which runs through the "Garden Of Eternal Despair") scheme is designed to aid terminally ill patients die with dignity. Rather than in a pool of their own vomit surrounded by meowing cats. Unfortunately evidence has suggested that some doctors may be pressurising their patients into signing "Do Not Resuscitate" wavers by claiming that CPR can give a person brain damage. One Dr defended his actions by saying:

"No-one likes giving the "Kiss Of Life" to a 95 year old man. It's gross."

Some critics of the scheme have hit out at the government for not doing more to keep terminally ill (and often in excruciating pain) people alive. Tom Blanket of the "Keeping People Alive Long After Their Sell By Date" group said:

"The government doesn't care about these people they just want to save money by letting them die. I understand that there is only so much medicine can do, but is it doing enough. The answer is no."

Back and to the Left News hopes that when we get hit by the proverbial bus that someone gives us the Kiss of Life. At least it will be some human contact.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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