London - "Bwahaha, bang goes my lovely diamond tiara!" Kate Middleton sobbed as news of William and Harry's truss fund collapse broke this weekend.
Heavy stakes in an Indonesian mining investment vehicle created by wannabe Gordon Gekko Nat Rothschild have virtually cleaned out the royal piggy bank.
The mug punter - er...Swiss tax exile's! - Bummy Coal Futures plc brought a Jakarta-based family's coal and coke riches to listing on the London Stock Exchange.
But the company has bombed amid rumors that backers have lost the original £125 million investment, much of which was stumped up by Nat.
"They're down to their last Royal Jobseekers Allowance of half a million squid," Palace spokesperson Lord Luce-Cannon admitted as shock waves reverberated from Windsor to Balmoral.
"All that could go down the pan if Duchy of Cornwall creative accounting gets sussed."
Industry analysts reckon the 'dirty fuel' moniker associated with coal is behind the Indonesian mining investment disaster.
Potential backers were dazzled by a Queen's Diamond Jubilee prophecy promising new alchemy techniques would turn nuggets of Jakartan black cole into fabulous diamonds.
A few cubic zirconia lumps later that dream lies shattered.
And Camilla's bus pass is facing the chop.