Written by Karl Mercer
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Wednesday, 17 October 2012

image for BBC Presenter from 60s and 70s Smeared
Jimmy Savile (pictured) was unavailable for comment.

A presenter from the BBC during the 60s and 70s has been smeared by the press for being the only one who didn't inappropriately touch people up during the time. Wally Hampstead worked at the BBC, on radio, and television - as well as with children - without doing anything inappropriate, which apparently makes really bad news.

Mary, now in her 50s, was 11 when she first met Mr. Hampstead on the set of the BBC's flagship children's program 'Avoid the Presenter' but says he was no problem. "I spent nearly a whole day with Mr. Hampstead, he never tried to fuck me once!" says Mary, "Overall, he was quite a nice chap!" She added.

A whistleblower from the BBC said "PPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!" in a shrill tone...

They put their whistle down on request and said "There was a culture in them days, at the BBC, a hand goes here, a tongue goes there and you say no more about it...But Wally Hampstead was different. It was like he didn't want to abuse his power and position to do ridiculously immoral things which is seemingly unheard of in human history these days! We all thought he was gay, but it turned out he just had this thing called 'morality' or something..." He then whistled again, a lot.

The press, not ones to miss a story - or invent one where there is none - have insisted Wally Hampstead was one of the quiet ones you have to watch and actually founded his own religion called Wallyism, in which he preached he had an eight foot tentacle cock, and he also did lots of murders and things and could time travel and actually time travelled and killed Jesus and JFK and Martin Luther King and things...Because, you know? If he did nothing wrong he must have done something wrong? Right?

N.B. Wally Hampstead was reprimanded by a librarian at his local library and made to pay a 10p fine for a late return of the book "On Being Just a Really Normal, Not Evil, Non-Molesting Nice Guy"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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