Written by queen mudder
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Saturday, 13 October 2012

image for Opus Dei procured Jimmy Savile's papal gong
At an Opus Dei fancy dress party circa 1999

London - "Just don't ask about 'what lubricants'?" a former Opus Dei zombie commented as news broke that the shadowy self-flagellation cult greased the palms that gonged up old perv Jimmy with a Pontifical Equestrian Order of St Gregory the Great knighthood.

The Order promotes bare-back whorse riding in Vatican circles and is renowned for its nylon split-crotch fishnet panties - er...distinctive ceremonial garments! - bearing ancient heraldic symbols.

These include a black split-beaver felt hat festooned with dark silk ribbons, metallic silver 'twisted' rope and 'sacred' turkey feathers.

It is worn with an SS-style military uniform introduced in 1939 by Hitler's Pope Pius XII.

The ecclesiastical haute couture garment was last modelled in public in 1998 at the inauguration of fellow Order of St Gregory knight Rupert Murdoch.

Insiders say Savile funneled millions in dodgy charitable handouts to his Opus Dei supporters before the Feds shut down one of the organization's top slush fund facilities, the notorious BCCI Bank.

He then reverted to royal bankers Cu*tts And Coe where his birth mother, the Queen Mother, also had an account.

After her death in 2002 it was found that the Queen Mother died a bankrupt, some four million squid in debt after a lifetime of reckless bingeing on alcohol, horses and her beloved firstborn.

Thirteen members of the US' Kennedy family were also gonged up recipients of the papal order.

The Yorkshire Ripper is 69.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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