Windsor - "Must have been another one of her nocturnal emissions," Windsor Castle groundsmen said today as they changed the locks on the Royal Mausoleum.
"Still, that's the power of prophecy for you, gotta be worth a tenner that she's about to pop her clogs."
All week long Palace physicians have kept a beady eye on the old dear as they upped her various medications for Parkinsons, sciatica and gout.
However last night's addition of a heady anti-psychotics cocktail may have triggered the Queen's sleepwalking foray which doctors are warning 'is a classic sign'.
"Apparently she's been re-reading the Virgin's prophecy," royal blood-letter and leech-keeper Sir Harold Shipman-Culpeper advised colleagues, "that a 'massive Russian deception' would one day see her fall tit-over-arse."
"Saturday's 95th anniversary of the final Fatima apparition's my top contender for that topping out ceremony."
The day coincides with Mrs Thatcher's birthday, the International Day for Natural Disaster Reduction and the Dalai Llama's appointment with the London Fraud Squad.
Bookies are offering attractive odds of 6/4FAV on Queen Elizabeth's auto-erratic self-asphyxiation before lunchtime tomorrow.
Prince Philip's own RIP is expected anon.