Written by Joe Leff
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Topics: Beach, Brighton

Monday, 8 October 2012

A 25-year-old Brighton woman, Sheila Sellers, was arrested last weekend for selling sea shells on the sea-shore without a license.

Sheila Sellers had been selling sea shells on the sea-shore every weekend throughout summer. Many day-trippers had observed her illicit trading. But nobody could accurately report the details to the police - especially since Sheila Sellers didn't start selling sea shells on the sea-shore until late afternoon, after most trippers had had a drink or two.

Superintendent Stickler, of Brighton Police, said that most complainants "were bloody stutterers. We couldn't get much sense out of them."

But the sea shell seller eventually gave herself up when she went into the police station and said - quite faultlessly -"I'm Sheila Sellers and I sell sea shells on the sea-shore."

Local beach patrol officer and part-time elocution tutor Lily Loulallerfluff confirmed that "the shells that Sheila Sellers sells are sea shells, I'm sure."

Sheila Sellers was let off with a caution to "stay clear of Peter Piper - the pretentious prat who picks pecks of pickled peppers."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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