Scarborough Borough Council today issued a statement to the effect that the late Jimmy Savile's grave has recently "substantially subsided."
The furore raised by recent allegations against the former BBC disc jockey and TV presenter has been partially blamed.
"Sir Jim was buried at a forty five degree angle," a council gravedigger explained. "So he could have a view over the sea, the bay, and the caravan site where he allegedly 'entertained' underage girls. Although how he could see any of it through six feet of earth and dead eyeballs is a mystery to me. But it's definitely slipping. A surveyor told me that in the pub, so it must be true."
"We reckon he's tipping backwards," a local geologist told us. "He started off at forty five degrees, and we estimate that at this point in time he's currently at about a hundred and twelve. By this time next year he'll probably get to the critical one hundred and eighty degree point of critical mass, which effectively means that he'll be pointing at the earth's core head first. And with all that spinning he must have been doing in the light of recent events, he'll tunnel his way down to the molten core and burn up. A bit like being burned in hell really."
Concerns have been raised about Savile's elaborate marble headstone.
"His epitaph currently reads: 'It Was Good While It Lasted'" one observer reported. "Hopefully the subsidence will break the headstone in two, so we can add an insertion saying: 'But I Finally Got Caught.'"
A campaign to strip Sir Jim of his knighthood is currently generating massive support nationwide.